While the percentage of single fathers in our country is far
below that of single mothers there are no doubts that the statistics are
showing a rapid increase of single father parents in households across America.
Although I believe, and have proven in my own home, that fathers are just as capable
as and sometimes even more capable of single parenting than women the low
statistics makes apparent one the biggest challenges that single fathers can
face today. That challenge is that there are little to no resources for us.
Chances are that if you asked your friends and family you wouldn’t find anyone
who has helpful advice for the single father specifically. There are many
reasons that society in general believes that mothers are better suited for
single parenting but I won’t go into that here. Here are some lessons I learned
as a single father that I wish someone had shared with me from the beginning.
1. ESTABLISH A SOLID SUPPORT SYSTEM
It is important to accept the fact that as a father,
parenting doesn’t always come natural. This dates back to the tribal days when
men were to provide and protect and women were to nurture. You will find
yourself in many unusual predicaments that require prompt action as a single
father and it is important that you have plenty of help when you need it. For
example, if you are a single father to a little girl you may find yourself
standing in the hygiene isle at the local Wal-Mart trying to decide which
shampoo is best for your little one or maybe you will struggle with choosing
clothes that fit correctly (this was a big one for me). Perhaps you have no
idea how to enroll your child into school or plan a birthday party. Establish a
solid support system that includes the mothers in your family. Don’t forget to
establish rapport with a hair stylist or barber, a pharmacist and a clerk at the
local clothing store.
2. SCHEDULE EVERYTHING
Everyone knows that parenting is a full time job.
There will always be something to remember; a doctor’s appointment, teacher
conference, school play, soccer or cheerleading practice etc. Beyond those are
the necessities like grocery shopping, laundry, homework and dinner. Without
proper planning life can quickly become a never ending list of monotonous
tasks. For starters, check your child’s online school calendar and link it to
your own so that you always have a month’s notice right on your smart phone or
computer. Then focus on consistency by scheduling times for dinner, baths and
bedtimes. If you are the only adult in your home you will likely need to
schedule times for other things like laundry and house cleaning. If you are
cooking dinner regularly you should budget your cooking time to include washing
dishes as well. Scheduling your daily tasks and sticking to it can free up a lot
of your attention and allow you to better handle all of the unexpected
challenges life as a parent is sure to throw at you.
3. EARLY TO BED - EARLY TO RISE
In lieu of scheduling, don’t forget to schedule plenty
of time to sleep. You will find it very difficult to maintain a consistent
sleep schedule for your child if you don’t have one for yourself. Stick to your
sleep schedule on the weekends as well. Allowing yourself or your child to stay
up late or sleep late on the weekend will result in a difficult Monday morning
and it can never be good to start your week like that. Furthermore, you must be careful not to fall
into the habit of staying up late to watch TV or catching up on work after your
little one has gone to sleep. Granted there may be a little bit of time after
the little one drifts off to dream land but it is imperative not to begin an activity
that could keep you awake. Choose a leisure activity that you can do in your bed
such as reading or meditating. The last thing you want to do is lay in bed with
a restless mind.
4. TAKE CARE OF DADDY FIRST
Don’t forget that you are your child’s lifeline. If
you don’t take care of yourself then how can you take care of a child? I like
to set aside one or two evenings per month for “Daddy Time”. This can be time
spent writing or time spent with friends while the kiddo is at Grandma’s house.
Remember the key here is not to get burnt out. It can be very beneficial to
spend a few minutes each day reflecting on your achievements as a single
father, after all that title alone means that you have beaten the odds. You may
find it beneficial to set an example by finishing household chores before
watching TV or taking a shower before their bath time. The old saying “Do as I
say and not as I do” does not work. Kids want to feel like they are becoming
the person they look up to the most so don’t forget to take care of you first.
Doing so not only makes you feel better and gives you parental stamina; it also
sets the tone for your little ones.
Feel free to email me with your feedback, questions, suggestions or to schedule a personal coaching session at SuperDadCoach@Gmail.com
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